


The Last Will and Testament of VIP#2014

by FictionWriter913



Series: Confessionals [1]
Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Loss, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:08:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25035217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FictionWriter913/pseuds/FictionWriter913
Summary: The Guardian reflects on his life, from birth to impending death, while reminiscing on the most important people in his life.
Series: Confessionals [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1813111
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33





	The Last Will and Testament of VIP#2014

#  The thing I regret the most? He was right. None of us ever saw him as a person. He was an idea, a symbol. What I regret the most was never calling him by his name. - _Zavala, Vanguard Commander_

"I used to go down to the City. Now, I can't. 

"Ghost found my body, broken and parts scattered, on a highway outside the old Cosmodrome. I don't know what It saw, or what It thought I was, but Ghost decided I was The One.

"I woke and Ghost was the first thing I saw. I remember briefly being confused - wasn't the network down? How was a remote operating? - but I didn't have the luxury. I was being hunted.

"In the first five minutes of my life, I was born, encountered an alien for the first time, killed it (and several dozen of it's closest friends), and flew (!) a space-ship. Most newborns are given twelve to fifteen years before they're expected to murder other living things.

"It wasn't until I had been airborne for a few minutes and Ghost told me I was out of immediate danger that I realized I wasn't Human. I took my helmet off and went to wipe the sweat from my brow. I clanked. Ghost says if I had been Human, I would have died from the shock. That's a quaint notion.

"Arriving at the Tower wasn't helpful. Ghost says that most Guardians react with awe, or disbelief, or some child-like sense of wonder. I was terrified. The Tower gifted me a crushing existential crisis. The first conversation I had with someone (besides Ghost) that wasn't trying to kill me was my introduction to The Speaker. He told me I was living in a post-apocalypse, that the massive white balloon hanging over the City was what gave me my powers. I was now responsible for keeping all of it alive. An hour after I was born, I was back in my jump-ship to kill more aliens.

> _ "When the Red Legion came, it was horrible, but I didn't allow myself to despair. The Guardian had arrived and with him, his terrible Wrath. He struck with the speed and ferocity of The Storm. Cabal fell before him as so much chaff before a scythe. _
> 
> _ "When Amanda landed him on Ghaul's ship, we could feel his rage, like a wounded animal. As he slaughtered, he wept. The sheer weight of his anger and sorrow stopped the battle in the City. We all watched, Humanity and Cabal alike, as the Maelstrom hurtled towards the locus of its pain. _
> 
> _ "The Legion actually started to retreat. Then, all of that rage, and pain, and power, ceased. It was a full minute before some of us realized we had lost our Light. The absence of that pressure felt like a hollowing-out of our souls. _
> 
> _ "And then, he fell. He fell, and I gave myself to despair." _
> 
> _ -Excerpt of the statement given by Vanguard Cmdr. Ikora after the departure of VIP#2014. _

"Looking back, I would have given my favourite guns (except Ace) and my best armour to have been met by Eva. I know a lot of Guardians, and some mortals, feel that her celebrations are frivolous. They are fools. Eva, and Hawthorne for that matter, are the only mortals who worked with us who really understood what we are. We're not God slayers, we're people.

"Mortals and Vanguard alike claim that Humanity still lives, and the City still stands, because of The Guardian. Saint-14 has started an order of Guardians devoted to learning and living by The Guardian's example. The Guardian may be a hero, but the real saviour is Eva Levante. Eva saw a newborn robot and invited him to be Human. The Guardian would have failed long ago if not for her.

"You can imagine that the world felt far, far too big. Being down in the City helped to make it small. It's impossible to completely forget that the Moon is a festering pit of space zombies, or that the howls and calls outside the City's walls are the Fallen finding another person to eat. The City does make the nightmares seem farther away.

"The City makes the world smaller. The mortals that make up the last of Humanity are the only way to stay sane. Some of them try to worship us or treat us like Gods. Most, though, are happy to let us spend a night sleeping on a spare rug, or share a quiet meal. They can't possibly understand our pain, but they can see it, and they love us all the more for it.

> _ "It should be possible, even for you, to understand. The Guardian did not leave us. He knew what you do not, that this war will never end while we are content to be pawns fighting other pawns. This is a war fought in Heaven, and the antagonists are Gods whom we but dimly perceive. _
> 
> _ "My mistake was to try and topple the board. I wanted us to go to Olympus and strike Zeus with his own lightning. I was wrong. The Guardian went to become what we need him to be, what we already thought he was, a God. We cannot win this game on the board. He has left the game entirely. He does not go to defeat the Gods, he goes to eradicate them." _
> 
> _ -Excerpt of the statement given by Eris Morn after the departure of VIP#2014. _

"The children are my favourite. They're too young to think of us as unique. Some of them have toys in the likeness of famous Guardians. Cayde, Zavala, Saint, even Osiris. Me. They like it when I make the colours in my face swirl. They love it when I use my awesome supernatural powers to make little lights for them to play with and chase. They adore me because I play with them and take them seriously, even though I'm Big and Important. I love them, and I have died a thousand deaths for them. I know that I will gladly die ten thousand more.

"Ghost is recording. It wants me to tell you, whoever you are, that It likes to play with the children too. Ghost lets them win at games, and always makes me bring Its most colourful shells. Sometimes the old-timers will corner Ghost and ask for stories of Guardian legends of old. Ghost pretends to be exasperated, but no one is fooled.

"I started to come down here on the recommendation of Cayde. I think he saw me as me, not as The Guardian. He had Sundance check on me through Ghost after I returned from the Moon for the first time. 'We're all fine. We're always all fine. But when I'm not as fine as I'd like to be, I head down. I play kickball. I let them win. It's nice to lose without my horn being shot off, and sometimes the laughter helps you forget the screams. Sometimes.'

"I was lucky to have never gotten old. I never had to see my children grow old and die. I don't know how Cayde did it. When he died, I was crushed, but part of me understood. It was a warrior's death, a good death, in defence of those he loved. I wept for Sundance. Cayde was loud, but she was the funny one.

"Once a little girl said she wanted to grow up to be like me, so she could make colours and lights and make children smile. I didn't tell her the awful burden. I didn't explain the horrible cost I paid to be able to make lights and colours appear. I just smiled and said that she'll be great at making children happy. The Truth is my burden to bear, not hers. As are so many others.

> _ "You fools never liked 'em when he was here. Thought he was gonna go all dark, like Drifter here. You idiots. He was a fanatic, put you Praxic assholes to shame. He knew two things: one, he loved Humanity and two, he had to kill every last four-armed creep and worm-loving husk out there to keep 'em safe. _
> 
> _ "You could have used him as a compass, he always pointed towards that goal. Thorn? Kill bad guys. Malfeasance? Kill bad guys. Lumina? Kill bad guys and stop 'em killing his friends. You were always too focused on the wrong thing. _
> 
> _ "Do you know how he played my game? Poorly. He didn't bother with motes, or the bank, or invaders, nothin'. He went through my hostiles as fast as he could. It was work for him. I think he hoped I'd run out of hostiles before he ran out of bullets. Guess he never got to find out." _
> 
> _ -Excerpt of the statement given by Wu Ming following the departure of VIP#2014. _

"One of the last times I was able to go down to the City, I saw an older boy with a Cayde toy, and a mock Ace. I took the moon-clip out of my (real) Ace and approached him.

"When I approached, I could see the look of recognition pass across his face. His smile was infectious. 'You... you're him! You're the one who avenged Cayde-6!' He told me all about my time in the Tangled Shore, fighting the barons, and then my fight against The Fanatic and Uldren. I won't lie, I was impressed. Zavala almost had a heart attack when I told him how bad our Op-Sec was; his Ghost had to read his affirmations out loud back to him.

"I showed him my empty Ace of Spades. His eyes went wide. I let him hold it. 'It's too heavy for me,' he said. I told him that sometimes it felt too heavy for me, also. He was stunned. After all, I'm  _ The Guardian _ , the one so powerful and so famous that to call me by my name would be redundant.

"I told him that the weight wasn't in the gun, it was in the responsibility. It was a significant weight to try to carry on the legacy of Cayde. I felt a big responsibility not only to protect him, his family, his friends, and his whole City, but to also be an example. I told him about the importance of not only using the gun but of knowing  _ when _ and  _ why _ .

"'Cayde taught me a lot about being a Guardian. I come down here because of him, and I try to always remember his example. He had no ulterior motives. He loved us, and he loved this City. He goofed around because he knew how hard it can sometimes be, and he wanted to give us a chance to laugh, even if it was at him. Remember that it's always about the people you love, and you'll keep Cayde alive with you.'

"This boy, he couldn't have been older than twelve or thirteen. Out in the wilds, he would either be old enough to carry a real gun and protect his caravan, or he'd be dead. He handed Ace back to me and picked up his toy version. He said, 'Cayde used to play kickball with my friends and me. I miss him.' He handed me his toy Ace. 'Here, take mine. You remind me of him. I think you should have this one, too.'

"I didn't know what to say or do. I held it in my hand and felt the weight. I don't know how that boy could have handled it, I barely could. I made a show of sighting it and then holstered it on my belt. He beamed a smile so bright they would have seen it on Mars. I took off my bond, the one in the shape of the Ace of Spades. I had others. This one had a more important job. On this poor kid, it was a headband. I hope he'll remember me for something other than murder now.

> _ "We routinely fed him right into the teeth of this system's horrors. We asked him to travel to other dimensions, and when he found Horrors and Gods, we asked him to slay them. He never said no. He never hesitated. We allowed ourselves to believe our own myth that he was The Guardian, that he was the living embodiment of the ideal. _
> 
> _ "I regret that we never cared to see the man beneath the mantle. I think Cayde did. His death was... especially hard for him. I regret that even though part of us knew he was suffering, we pretended the lie. The thing I regret the most? He was right. None of us ever saw him as a person. He was an idea, a symbol. What I regret the most was never calling him by his name." _
> 
> _ -Excerpt of the statement given by Vanguard Cmdr. Zavala following the departure of VIP#2014. _

"Ghost found an isolated corner of the old, derelict Tower for me to transmat into. I curled into a ball and felt bad for myself for, well, I don't know how long. Again, I cursed that I couldn't cry. Do I really feel anything, or is it software telling me I do? How can I ever say? Ghost assures me my emotions are real, that I couldn't be a Guardian unless I was real. If that's true, then I ugly-cried all night.

"I only got to go down a few more times after that. Now I can't leave the Tower without being mobbed. The Guardian has become so famous that there are cults in the City, preaching my worship. Mortals line the street trying to get a touch of my robe, a glimpse of my shell. Ghost can't materialize at all. They say I'm the Traveller made manifest, or that I'm the coming of some Golden Age religious deity, or else that I'm the reincarnation of the Iron Lords into one body.

"None of them seem much interested in my opinion on the subject. The quiet places and peaceful moments of the City are lost to me. I have no name, no past, no mortal body, and no sense of  _ why _ . My only tether to my Humanity is lost to me. There is no safe harbour for me in the Maelstrom of this War, no hideout where I might seek shelter and heal the wounds that Ghost can never tend to.

> _ "I was inspired by The Guardian. I modelled myself after him. He was to me all that the Traveller and its promise represented. In his left hand, a shield behind which Humanity was defended. In his right hand, a sword to slay our enemies. After he saved me and brought me to now, he came to see me. He wanted to know how I did it, how I was able to be Saint-14, a hero of the City, defender of the people, in the face of everything I saw. A living legend! _
> 
> _ "I was amused. I am not these things. I am one man. I stand firm, but only with the City and the Guardians by my side. I draw strength from them, and they from me. He wanted to know how I kept going when I had been on my own. I told him, I knew of one who was everything I wanted to be, a True Hero, who would do what I could not, and lift Humanity on his shoulders. I knew, of The Guardian. _
> 
> _ "For a moment, his shoulders slumped. Then he picked himself up and told me that he relied on stories of me, how I had roamed the wilds after the Collapse, finding Hope wherever it hid and guarding it close to my heart. He told me that I had helped teach him the difference between a Risen and a Guardian. My heart swelled. I have never felt such pride. _
> 
> _ "Sometime later, I realized that this is what Osiris would call a 'paradox'. I asked him how we could have inspired each other. I expected him to say something about how The Guardian was humouring me or somesuch. Instead, he looked away. 'Hope, courage, righteousness, these are beacons that burn through the Darkness, visible to all who would seek them, no matter when or where. You are one such. So is he.' _
> 
> _ "I cannot comprehend his sacrifice, to give up all that he is, to pay for victory with his soul. His Ghost says that he ascended with a smile on his face and peace in his heart. I am glad. I know now there is a beacon so bright the Dark cannot long withstand it, and it shines over Humanity. I will try to live up to his example." _
> 
> _ -Excerpt from the statement given by Saint-14 following the departure of VIP#2014. _

"I fear becoming overwhelmed by the enormity of my responsibility. My trips to the City helped to anchor me. Without them, I will be swallowed by the sheer scope of the horrors I must face on an hourly basis. I'm a robot that has been tasked with fighting Gods and Demons. What am I in the face of all that? How can anyone expect me to walk between realms and slay Horrors in the space between screams?

"Nevermind that I've done it all before. Every death hurts. Every time I hear a scream of a Witch or the chitter of a Thrall, my circuits go cold. But not The Guardian. The Guardian doesn't feel fear. The Guardian doesn't falter. The Guardian takes the weight of an entire species and carries it into Hell. The Guardian doesn't wish he could play with a toy Ace, instead of killing with a real one.

"The Guardian harnesses the power of the Sun, walks with the rage of Hurricanes, and calls forth dark Terror from the Void. I'm a fraud living in His shell. I'm a coward who has been selfishly clinging to whatever is left of my soul, keeping The Guardian from becoming all that I am.

> _ "I know he's a hero. It's not because of anything he did, or because he's 'The Chosen One'. No. He is the most exceptional Guardian of all time because he understood my lessons. He spent more time with his face in the dirt than anyone. In his short time alive he'd seen more war than most Guardians do in centuries. Yet, he never gave up. He would rise and fight again. His defeats motivated him, taught him. He was my favourite Guardian. I tell everyone that." _
> 
> _ -Excerpt of the statement given by 'Lord' Shaxx following the departure of VIP#2014. _

"I used to wonder who I was before. Now I know it doesn't matter. Whoever I was previously, he isn't what I am now. That person died. Someone else was born, wearing his corpse. I wear his body into battle, and they love The Guardian for it. I know I'm losing myself, my tether to my Humanity, but I won't stop. I know the cost, but I once promised a small girl that she would get to grow up and make other kids happy, and I once promised a young boy that I would be like Cayde. I love them, even though they could never love me. They love the idea of who I am. They love The Guardian, and that's okay. They are what I long to be, and I love them."

##  Transcript//Log

##  GHOST||VIP#2014

_ The veracity of the data-dump has been confirmed by The Guardian's Ghost, who remained in this reality. Ghost confirmed that The Guardian required that his transmission be tight-beamed to both military, civilian, and Vanguard receivers. Attempts to classify and control the information obtained from The Guardian have failed. _

_ This particular file appears to be the last will and testament of The Guardian before he ascended. As his jump-ship left our reality, the Tower received a massive flood of data, of which this log is but a small part. Attached to the end of this log was an inventory of The Guardian's equipment, modifications, suggested uses, tactical doctrines, and a helpful reminder that the "hollow end points towards the bad guys." _

_ The Guardian bequeathed his Ghost to the children of the City. Ghost says that The Guardian wants him to carry on his "most important legacy", entertaining children. Ghost has declared that he will, or won't, choose another Guardian when It is ready, regardless of diktats by the Consensus. It also refuses to confirm whether or not It still feels a connexion with The Guardian. _

_ When The Guardian left, he accoutred himself only in the gear he had when he first Rose. His entire armoury The Guardian left behind to the Vanguard for their use. The only exception was the  _ Ace of Spades _ , which he explicitly bequeathed to Hosiah Samson, a citizen of the City. It is supposed that SSgt. Samson is the young boy cited in the above transcript, though neither The Guardian's Ghost, The Vanguard, nor SSgt. Samson has confirmed or denied this. _

_ The issue of a Vanguard weapon to a member of the City Militia is highly unusual. Vanguard Cmdr. Zavala pre-empted a debate on the legality of the grant by personally taking possession of the gun and handing it to SSgt. Samson, along with an attached personal note. The note is transcribed below. _

"I made a promise. I'm sorry I won't be here to keep it. I'm entrusting you with this task. I'm sorry to place this burden on you, truly, but I know you have the strength to carry it. I believe you have the power to bear Ace, too. I'm proud of you. Cayde would be, also. Eyes up, Guardian."


End file.
